Same Shit, Different Day
As usual, shit seems to follow me everywhere I go. Okay, so maybe this week wasn’t so bad but…it had it’s ups [[since I'm trying the optomistic route]]. So um, couple of the month is Ryan and Brendon of Panic! Yeah, yeah, I know but–I have a new love for Panic! At the Disco and have seen them in ways I didn’t know could be seen. That’s right folks, I’ve fond a new set of RP logs [[a total of 54 parts]] so, I guess it’s keeping me occupied. After this I think I’ll read Part 18, unless, my parents are done watching their movie.
Why is it that I feel so empty and alone all the time? Like after “Alice” was over, I could probably name half the faces in the crowd but then, why did all the faces seem so frightening and judging? Oh, and I don’t think it helped that my dad was late to pick me up so as people were walking down the steps from the back of North I felt like people were thinking, “Poor little girl, I bet her dad is to distracted with some type of drug problem or something of the sort.” …So maybe I’m paranoid but, I swear, I had another “panic” attack. They’re happening more often, especially since Eri told me her dream:
Erin and me were on this plane right, but it wasn’t an ordinary plane–supposedly it was really huge and had the one ride from Hurricane Harbor that’s like a spirally cone. Anyway, so we see Robert there and Eri starts talking to him and I guess in the process I get seperated from the two. Anyway, while they’re in line the water from the ride starts to turn black and everyone starts running and screaming because the plane is going to crash. Some how Eri and Robert get in the airport safely but, she can’t find me.
Now, of course, it’s just a dream but I couldn’t help and think–isn’t this going to happen soon? Eri’s not going to be there for me and, quite honestly, it scares the shit out of me. Without Eri, how am I? Sure, we may have our little fights but, we always get over that because we understand each other so well. Who else am I going to talk to about Kill Hannah or Pete Wentz/Patrick Stumph smut to? Who’s going to listen to my endless rants about my controlling parents? Where’s my shoulder when I need to cry on it. Exactually, it’ll be gone after this year. Gawd, the shear thought scares me. I need Eri, like, seriously. I don’t care how whiney or attachmental it seems, Eri basically is me. I’m almost dead without her. I love her, like a sister, so in a way, it’s like my big sister is going away to college and I’m stuck at home; alone. And, you know, maybe there are some times I do love her more as a friend and sister but–she’s my kinky bitch, who else do I have?
I am kind of mad though that she took those pictures of her with the lollipop thing. I know she’s not going to tell me everything in her life but I mean, if she was really that bored then do something more productive–not taking whorish pictures. I’m sure she didn’t mean it in that way but, it wasn’t like I was hurt, just confused on why she didn’t tell me first. Was she ashamed? I hope not, she knwos she can tell me anything and that won’t judge. Whatever, everyone needs to keep their own dirty little secrets so…
Aren’t we the little screw up? Why was I so stupid on Wensday during the assembly when Erik made room for me in the stands and I just shrugged him off. That was my chance, my moment, my opening and-I completely missed it. And maybe it’s just me but, it looks like he feels like he missed it to. After that it seems like he’s been in stalker mood because, everywhere I turn, “Oh! There’s Erik?!”
Parents are being fucking gay so, I’m getting off for the night. **Sigh** I guess I won’t be able to read that RPLog until later on tomorrow morning [[as in like...1 o'clock in the morning XD]]
xoxo,
Gossilyn Wentz
